Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Crochet Bunting - Free Pattern!

I sure know how to pick the patterns, huh? So far pretty much every one I've found for free online that I've tried has had issues. This is my heavily modified version of this mistake-riddled pattern. In addition to fixing the issues, simplifying it, and adding much needed clarification, I also switched the terminology from UK to US terms and created my own version of the final image (one you can actually read).

I made this as a gift, btw. Hot pink buntings don't really match my decor. It will be much cuter in its future home (update: HERE) than mine!

ch = chain
ch sp = chain space
ss = slip stitch
sc = single crochet
dc = double crochet


Use whatever hook corresponds with your yarn.

Create magic ring.

Round 1: Into ring work 3ch (stands as 1st dc), 2dc, 3ch, 3dc, 3ch, 3dc, 3ch (to create three petals). Ss into top of starting ch. Fasten off, tighten magic ring.

Round 2: Join next color in any ch sp, work 2 ch (stands as 1st dc) 3dc, 2ch, 3dc. In next ch sp work 3dc, 2ch, 4dc. In last ch sp work 4dc, 2ch, 4 dc. Join with ss into top of starting ch. Fasten off.

Use stitch marker to mark the top (the cluster of 4dc 2ch 4dc is the bottom)

Round 3: Join next color in top right corner and work 2ch, (stands as 1st dc) 2dc, 2ch, 4dc. In the space top center 3dc, in top left corner 3dc, 2ch, 4dc. In side space, 4dc. In bottom point 4dc, 2ch, 4dc. In side space 4dc, then ss into top of starting ch. Fasten off.

Round 4: Join your starting color and work 1 round sc with 3sc in each corner. Fasten off.  Weave in ends.

Join the flags with ch and ss. I did 6 chains between each flag and 40 at each end.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Texts out of Context: Episode XIV

[Explanation and archive here. Also, I want to foster an environment of text-out-of-context sharing in the comments of these posts. I know you've got some good ones.]

Kyle told me I looked like Jesus with bangs so I went for it.

Guess what I’m eating. A raw tortilla, that’s what.

Friends that have ablations together stay together!

I must be getting used to stupid names. I wasn’t as outraged as I thought I’d be.

It’ll be the highlight of my day! Duhfcourse I will!

Remember that time you thought there was a bat in my car?

Lots of withers. Probably a good number of beans, too.

Watching PBS kids’ show and there was a girl name Ruby…then they showed her name spelled out… R-U-B-E-Y-E. Like rub your eye/ribeye steak.

Ewwww. It’s not just the ugly clothes it’s how it’s sitting there all weird like an oozing pile or something.

I love it when you text swear! Or real swear.

Once I was gazing whilst floating

I keep wanting to get a kitten just so I can name it All-Ball.

[My husband] actually just said “Urethra Franklin”

Last night there was a giant fly and it somehow got trapped between my middle and ring fingers without me noticing, and the only way I noticed was cuz I opened my fingers and he fell out onto the couch.

Whorer movie

If by relieving you mean have I gone to the bathroom? Yes, yes I have.


[My husband] looking in the mirror “Man! My legs are so awesome!”

Names in the paper today. Autym and Chism.

Glad I sent that to you and not my employer or anything…

I had brussel sprouts at sweetie’s last night. NOMG. (That’s a cross between omg and nom. I invented it.)

Oh dear. He must have at least experimented…

a complete orange INSIDE of another! [my husband] wouldn’t let me keep it.

Hahaha penny is so licky.

Uh, five inches…but it’s thick.

I didn’t miss my kids even once. True story.

Why do I always get the genetically mutated fruit?!


I had nightmares all last night about toilets flooding.

Haha some kid at the dog park was like “is that a deer?!”

Oh my fballs! You got diagnosed with herpes?! Hahahahhahahahahaha

Here’s to hoping we keep in touch with her so we don’t have to file a missing persons report like that time we thought she was dead in Mexico!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Texts out of Context: Episode XIII

[Explanation and archive here. This is only half of what I've accumulated since last time, more tomorrow!]

She told me and mom that she didn’t like the color black. Then she glanced over at Gunner and said “except I do like Gunner’s black hair.” She then proceeded to go pet him just to make sure she hadn’t hurt his feelings!! Gah!!!

I alternate that one when I talk about poo and when I talk about froyo.

You’re one of the few in my life that comprehends that less than two hours at an all-you-can-eat establishment is a crime.

Babies ruin everything.

He should have said he was gay to get out of it.

We were in the grocery store trying to pull off a produce bag from the roll, and it was the perfect time to tell [my husband] about/demonstrate your poop bag incident.

What’s that primary song about Jesus dying on the cross so I can fold my arms and be reverent?

At least you missed that time-telling day in elementary school—I don’t even have an excuse!!

Always Fonda Johnson.

Maybe it’s some sort of mange from the womb?

The last time I went there, the people I went with all ordered salads and complained that it was a terrible dining experience. SALADS!!

You played a round of “draw something” during your Sunday school class that you teach?!

Oh my gosh I did NOT realize the F word was on that!!!

PS – enjoy your nipples while they’re awesome and not unawesome after breastfeeding.

We had stake conference. FREE DAY!!

We were looking at one of the pregnant mares walking away from us at this barn and Jon said “I think it just winked at me!”

You can NOT watch Life of Pie. Too much throwing up.

He looks like a lesbian.

I have a Relief Society dinner I’m helping at tonight. Why, universe, why?!?!

Would you happen to have a pic of my …ew…MOLE?

YES. And maybe we could go on club retreats. We don’t have to talk about crotches the whole time, but maybe we could make it a non-profit and get all our expenses deducted!

I feel like [old high school friend]’s baby’s teeth shouldn’t be that big.

Yes for sure (biopsy). (I was totally going to abbreviate biopsy to “biops” then changed my mind and typed ONE MORE LETTER.)

It was in the cupboard in the pantry for 4 hours and didn’t make a peep!

[My husband] just licked my nose and called it an Eskimo French Kiss.

Friday, August 09, 2013

o hai

Quick note just to say I wrote a guest post for my favorite Mormon blog, By Common Consent. Check it out  here!

There's a couple dozen animated GIFs involved. I didn't know how to make a GIF when the idea came to me, so it was like twenty hours of work...just go look at it already, is what I'm saying.


Saturday, August 03, 2013

Idaho Summer Photo Dump (It's Over!)

My dad's the bishop of a BYU-I singles ward and he rented out a bowling alley/mini golf/billiards place for an evening of mingling and flirting. This guy was doin it rong. There were udders on the front and everything.

The hardest I laughed the entire trip happened at that event. Annie and I were playing pool and there was a girl sitting EXACTLY where my cue needed to be in order to make a shot. I tried finagling it a few different ways, but shy of jabbing her with the cue or telling her to leave, there was nothing for it. I held my stick nearly vertical, instead, above her oblivious head, feebly nudged the ball six inches, and Annie's very next shot returned the white ball to exactly the same spot it had been before. This time I got into position, stared intently at my intended shot, and began feeling around behind me with the pool cue. It took longer than I expected to make contact (Annie told me later that it was because she was sitting with her hands on her hips, and my cue was in the space inside her arm and body), but I eventually gave her a good couple of gentle nudges before she literally ran out of the room apologizing. Annie and I crumpled behind the pool table, laughing, crying, trying not to pee.

In typical Sweet girl fashion, she and I found this abandoned kitten sitting by the side of the road on our way home from that event. I had pulled over so she could take a picture of the sunset, and it was just sitting there on the railroad tracks exactly where we stopped. She snagged it, and no one was surprised when we showed up at the house with a random kitten. Here's the picture she took, btw:

Corinne and I combined powers for the Craigslist ad and between her photo skills and my exaggerating capability (the ad might have said the cat had the ability to make all your dreams come true), the kitten was adopted almost immediately. The following is an outtake from the photoshoot. OMG.

Joseph looking especially Sweetish.

Okay, so this one is out of order. Should have been in my first post.

Snow cones!

Christa freaking drove up from Provo JUST to have lunch with me!! (4.5 hour drive EACH WAY.) Best. day. EVER.

Oh, Joseph. 

Annie had to leave a few days before I did. Corinne, my mom, and I laughed until we cried over this text. (Corinne is notoriously hard to please.) We took Annie's advice and skipped Pacific Rim even though I was secretly DYING to see it. Jon and I finally went together yesterday, and OMG. I straight-up LOVED it, and I am not ashamed.

We did take Ada to see the Croods at the cheap theater, and that's when Corinne almost got sat on by an old womanYES, OF COURSE WE DID A DRAMATIZATION.

In the first scene, I play the old woman frantically trying to find her husband in the dark theater:

And in the second, I play the part of Corinne:

This crap is enough of a thing to warrant an entire DISPLAY in the local craft store.


One night, Ada was having a screamfest in her bedroom. My dad finally took matters into his own hands. Corinne overheard him sternly talking to her for about 15 seconds, and Ada immediately turned silent like she'd been switched off. Apparently he'd told her that he was thinking about taking her camping in the yard one night, but if she continued carrying on like that he definitely wouldn't. It worked, and despite trying to back out/pawn the responsibility onto everyone else about thirty times, he actually did it. Corinne pulled Ada out of bed late one night, we had a s'mores roast, and she even stayed in the tent all night long.

Bear World! The place is ridiculously overpriced, but when your sister pays your way in...

Checking out that crazy-looking chicken.



Sand bar! I freaking love this place. I can't believe something this awesome exists in St. Anthony, Idaho. They roped off a slow-moving section of the Snake River, trucked in sand, and created a beach area. There's a slide, rope swings, diving board, playground, volleyball pit (I think? Maybe I made that part up.) I surprised Corinne by going down the slide after I sent Ada down. Then the second time I did it, a dumb kid moved into the splash zone when I was partway down ("GET OUT OF THE WAY!!! GET OUT OF THE WAYYYY!!!!")

Blurry picture of Ada and me in our matching swimsuits.

View of the Tetons on the annual drive to Driggs. FAMILY HISTORY MOMENT: My mom's paternal grandparents met at the Driggs silent movie theater. He ran the projector, and she played the piano. If you have a better meet-cute story in your family's history, STOP LYING.

And one more of the beard, because why not? I used this pattern.

(For more pictures, see Corinne's blog, particularly here, here, here, here, and here.)

Thursday, August 01, 2013

Idaho Summer Photo Dump

This guy was, for real, SLEEPING like this in the Phoenix airport - his upper teeth resting on his luggage handle.

Annie's new dog, Dash! Naming things is my one true joy in life, and I'm particularly proud of this one. IT'S A GREYHOUND NAMED DASH.

They're a happy family.

Sometimes you assume Dash is sleeping, but then you look over and see this.

The drive up to St. Anthony from Heber. Goooorrrrrrge.

My mom got this wedding invitation in the mail and bellowed, "SON OF CRAGG" in a caveman voice.

Ada "walking" Dash.

They got along great, after Gunner's initial and completely unexpected freakout. My dad thinks he "must have thought Dash was a lion or something slinking out of the car." Related: My dad was defending Gunner after Corinne said he was dumb, and my mom interjected that Gunner thinks the ducks come out of the gun. He stares at the barrel and when it's been too long between shots, he nudges it. We all ROFLed.

This mark on the inside of a bathroom stall in Pizza Pie Cafe looks like Dash. (I was clever and SILENCED my phone before taking a picture in a bathroom stall, thank you very much.)

Puppies!!!!! At my dad's friend's house. Never mind the afterbirth, they were a day old.
Photo by Corinne. ZOMG.

Joseph in Pop Pop's boots.

At the Tautphus Zoo in Idaho Falls. Ada wore (and used) those binocs all day. It was more adorable than you can even imagine.

Ada wanted to be an egg and me to be the mother bird. I was more than happy to oblige.

Not even halfway done. More later!